100 Jokes for Kids That Can Help Spread Some Laughs and Raise Cash

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Last year, schools around the country participated in our first-ever JokeHaThon -- a fundraiser in which students sell and tell their best jokes to spread some laughs and raise life-changing cash. 

Just see for yourselves:

 

Want to get involved? Look no further – Red Nose Day in Schools is back in session! This means you’ll have the resources you need to help teach empathy in the classroom AND set up your very own JokeHaThon fundraiser. 

That’s what we call a Win-Win.  

Now, we know how difficult it can be to find the right jokes. That’s why we’ve compiled the top 100 puns and one-liners that are guaranteed to make everyone laugh. 

So what are you waiting for? Pick your faves and start raising some laughs. 

You’re welcome. 

Q: Why did the cell phone get glasses?

A: Because she lost all her contacts.

 

Q: How did the mobile phone propose to his girlfriend?

A: He gave her a ring.

 

Q: What’s the most popular video game at the bread bakery?

A: Knead for Speed.

 

Q: Why is Santa good at karate?

A: He has a black belt.

 

Q: Where do werewolves buy Christmas gifts?

A: Beast Buy.

 

Q: What did the snowflake say to the road?

A: Let’s stick together.

 

Q: Why did the turkey join a band?

A: So he could use his drumsticks.

 

Q: What’s a math teacher’s favorite winter sport?

A: Figure skating.

 

Q: Where do werewolves buy Christmas gifts?

A: Beast Buy.

 

Q: What did the snowflake say to the road?

A: Let’s stick together.

 

Q: Why did the turkey join a band?

A: So he could use his drumsticks.

 

Q: What’s a math teacher’s favorite winter sport?

A: Figure skating.

 

Q: What’s a firefly’s favorite dance?

A: The glitterbug.

 

Q: Why are eyeshadow, lipstick, and mascara never mad at each other?

A: Because they always make-up

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Q: Where do roses sleep at night?

A: In their flowerbed

 

Q: Why was the show bad at gymnastics?

A: She was a flip-flop

 

Q: What should you wear to a tea party?

A: A t-shirt

 

Q: What’s rain’s favorite accessory?

A: A rainbow

 

Q: Where does a sink go dancing?

A: The Dish-co

 

Q: What’s a princess’s favorite time?

A: Knight time.

 

Q: Why did the Genie get mad?

A: Because he was rubbed the wrong way.

 

Q: What’s a ballerina’s favorite type of bread?

A: A bun.

 

Q: What kind of dance was the frog prince best at?

A: Hip hop.

 

Q: What do bunnies like to do at the mall?

A: Shop ‘til they hop.

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Q: How did the beauty school student do on her manicure test?

A: She nailed it.

 

Q: What is corn’s favorite music?

A: Pop.

 

Q: Why can’t Monday lift Saturday?

A: It’s a weak day.

 

Q: Why was the politician out of breath?

A: He was running for office.

 

Q: What is a soccer player’s favorite chemical element?

A: Goooooooooooold!

 

Q: Why did the fastest cat in class get kicked out of school?

A: He was a cheetah.

 

Q: Which state has the greatest number of jokes?

A: Pennsylvania.

 

Q: Where is the best place to sit when a submarine is diving?

A: Inside.

 

Q: Why did the lawyer show up in court in his underwear?

A: He forgot his lawsuit.

Q: Why was the teenager no longer allowed online without a license?

A: He crashed the computer

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Q: What’s a ball that you don’t throw, shoot, eat, spit, bounce, or catch?

A: An eyeball.

 

Q: What do turtles, eggs, and beaches all have?

A: Shells.

 

Q: What time of year do people get injured the most?

A: In the fall.

 

Q: Why did the quarterback take the hardest classes?

A: Because he knew he would pass.

 

Q: Why did the musician throw away her table?

A: Because it was flat.

 

Q: Why didn’t the farmer's son study medicine?

A: Because he wanted to go into a different field?

 

Q: What is the math teacher’s favorite dessert?

A: Pi

 

Q: Why was the princess in the emergency room?

A: Because she broke her crown.

 

Q: Why is Peter Pan flying all the time?

A: He Neverlands!

 

Q: Why do we tell actors to “break a leg?”

A: Because every play has a cast.

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Q: Did you hear about the claustrophobic astronaut?

A: He just needed a little space.

 

Q: Why don’t scientists trust atoms?

A: Because they make everything up.

 

Q: What does a nosy pepper do?

A: Gets jalapeno business!

 

Q: How do you keep a bagel from getting away?

A: Put a lox on it.

 

Q: What did the left eye say to the right eye?

A: Between you and me, something smells

 

Q: What do you call a fake noodle?

A: An impasta!

 

Q: What do you call a pony with a cough?

A: A little horse.

 

Q: What did one hat say to the other?

A: You wait here. I’ll go on a head.

 

Q: What did the shark say when he ate the clownfish?

A: This tastes a little funny.

 

Q: Why did the frog take the bus to work today?

A: His car got toad away.

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Q: What is an astronaut’s favorite part on a computer?

A: The space bar.

 

Q: Did you hear about the two people who stole a calendar?

A: They each got six months.

 

Q: How do poets say hello?

A: Hey, haven’t we metaphor?

 

Q: Why did the Oreo go to the dentist?

A: Because he lost his filling.

 

Q: Why do bees have sticky hair?

A: Because they use honeycombs

 

Q: Why aren’t koalas actual bears?

A: They don’t meet koalafications.

 

Q: How do you throw a space party?

A: You planet.

 

Q: Why did it get so hot in the baseball stadium after the game?

A: All of the fans left.

 

Q: What do you call a train carrying bubblegum?

A: A chew-chew train.

 

Q: What do you call a can opener that doesn’t work?

A: A can’t opener.

 

Q: Did you hear about the guy who invented the knock-knock joke?

A: He won the “no-bell” prize

 

Q: What did the janitor say when he jumped out of the closet?

A: Supplies!

 

Q: What did the buffalo say when his son left?

A: Bison!

 

Q: Have you heard the rumor about butter?

A: Nevermind, I shouldn’t be spreading it.

 

Q: What did the DNA say to the other DNA?

A: Do these genes makes me look fat?

 

Q: What does a spider’s bride wear?

A: A webbing dress.

 

Q: What did one firefly say to the other?

A: You glow, girl!

 

Q: Where do you learn to make banana splits?

A: At sundae school.

 

Q: What did the tree say to the wind?

A: Leaf me alone!

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Q: What kind of shoes do all spies wear?

A: Sneak-ers.

 

Q: Why was the math book sad?

A: Because it had so many problems

 

Q: Why did the computer do to the doctor?

A: It had a virus.

 

Q: What are the strongest days of the week?

A: Saturday and Sunday. The rest are weak days.

 

Q: Which letter of the alphabet has the most water?

A: The “C”!

 

Q: What gets wet while it’s drying?

A: A towel.

 

Q: Why can’t your head be 12 inches long?

A: Because then it would be a foot.

 

Q: What do you call a dinosaur that is sleeping?

A: A dino-snore.

 

Q: What is fast, loud, and crunchy?

A: A rocket chip.

 

Q: What did one plate say to the other plate?

A: Dinner is on me.

 

Q: Why did the student eat his homework?

A: Because the teacher told him it was a piece of cake.

 

Q: Two pickles fell out of a jar onto the floor. What did one say to the other?

A: Dill with it.

 

Q: How do you stop an astronaut’s baby from crying?

A: You rocket.

 

Q: What is a witch’s favorite subject in school?

A: Spelling.

 

Q: Why was 6 afraid of 7?

A: Because 7, 8, 9

 

Q: When does a joke become a “dad” joke?

A: When the punchline is a parent.

 

Q: What do you call a duck that gets all the A’s?

A: A wise quacker.

 

Q: What kind of water cannot freeze?

A: Hot water

 

Q: What kind of tree fits in your hand?

A: A palm tree

 

Q: What’s worse than raining cats and dogs?

A: Hailing taxis!

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Q: How much does it cost a pirate to get his ears pierced?

A: About a buck an ear.

 

Q: What animal is always at a baseball game?

A: A bat.

 

Q: What falls in winter but never gets hurt?

A: Snow.

 

Q: What building in New York has the most stories?

A: The public library.

 

Q: How does the moon cut his hair?

A: Eclipse it.

 

Q: How does a scientist freshen their breath?

A: With experi-mints!

 

Q: What happens when the clock strikes 13?

A: Time to get a new clock

 

Q: How many tickles does it take to make an octopus laugh?

A: Ten-tickles

 

Q: What musical instrument is found in the bathroom?

A: A tuba toothpaste

 

Q: Where do pencils go on vacation?

A: Pencil-vania

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Jokes provided by Scholastic, the Try Not to Laugh Challenge, Reader's Digest, and Care.com

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